So - I've been noticing some puzzled looks on a few folks' faces lately. The kind of look where you know what they're thinking, but they don't want to say it in case they offend you. I love that look! It's so funny - becasue you know they're thinking "did she just finish eating 10 cheeseburgers? or is she pregnant?" - and I'm too much of a bitch to say anything b/c I love watching them try to figure it out.
No - I am not getting fat. Well, technically I am - but not because I just ate 10 cheeseburgers. Yet.
Yes - I am pregnant. 14 weeks. And while I'm still baffled, especially with everything going on with Sam, I still wonder how it all happened. (for the record, I know HOW it happens, but really - how did this happen!!??). This was SO not in the plan. At all.
With all the doctors appointments and stress that occurred in November involving Sam, I clearly wasn't paying attention and may have had 2 Manhattans one night. The night, apparently. So around Christmas, after getting all the Santa gifts out and getting into bed, I realized that I might be a day or two late. Didn't think too much about it. Then on our New Year's trip to Alabama it hit me - I was seriously late. So I hopped in the car and picked up a pregnancy test (or six). The thing didn't even take 5 seconds to indicate it was positive. So naturally, I took 5 more. All positive. Shocked doesn't even describe it. I was literally laughing like an insane person in the bathroom. Not funny ha-ha laughing; scary, evil laughing that could only be described as someone who's just been committed to an insane asylum.
So, I was living in denial for a few weeks, thinking about how I haven't had to change diapers or wipe butts, or get up several times a night to feed a screaming infant in years. Caroline and this new baby will be over 8 years apart! What is wrong with me? This was not the plan. We were done. I absolutely HATE being pregnant to top everything off. I'm uncomfortable, I'm sweaty, I'm tired, I'm sick, and I'm not very nice to people (and I'm sure Nick would agree). I totally get how some women love being pregnant, sadly I am not one of them. Then we get Sam's DMD diagnosis, and I'm filled with even more doubt - how am I going to handle everything with Sam and a newborn? How selfish was I to take away the few good years I have left with a physically capable Sam to take care of another baby? All I knew is that at that moment in my life, a baby is something this family did not need. Thinking back, I was so emotional and heartbroken over everything else, I forgot one thing...It's a baby. I've done this before. And I think I've done a damn good job with the two I've already got. Anyway, by the 3rd kid the other kids practically take care of each other, right? Sam is fine right now. He's not going to be in a wheel chair in the next 6 months - or even in 6 years hopefully. This will be okay - or so I keep telling myself.
Panic began to set in as I start to worry what if this baby has Duchenne too? So I went through some genetic screening to see if I'm a carrier. To my surprise, and I think to Sam's neurologists as well, I am not a DMD carrier. While we're not in the clear yet, even if this baby is a boy the chances of another DMD diagnosis is very rare. I think 4%. We're still going through with genetic counseling and will get a full genetic screen on the baby before he/she is born to either give us peace of mind or to prepare us for another baby with a genetic disorder.
So, that's my dirty little secret. I'm knocked up. Again. Nick and the kids are so excited. I've been very slow to come around, but am finally looking forward to #3. I get to go shopping - because about 6 months ago I gave away EVERYTHING baby. Get to decorate a nursery. For once I'm not the one this year giving the baby showers. There is good in it and I see it more and more every day. No matter what, this baby will bring so much joy to our family who has dealt with too much pain already this year.
